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Monday, June 27, 2011

Dear Olive,
I'm not sure I should even be paying service to this, but I received a comment yesterday telling me I should quit my job and look after my baby. I have to say, it really, really, really upset me. It hit a nerve because I've been struggling internally to reconcile who I am as a mother, in theory and in reality. So to the person who posted the comment, I just want to say that your words achieved their clear intention of making me feel like shit. I gather you are the perfect mother? I really think you should have the courage of your convictions and put your name to your wimpy little anonymous comment.



29 comments:

nicole said...

oh kellie. i'm so sorry. that's NOT nice. i hope the week gets better for you x

kit and nancy. said...

it's every mothers ideal world to be able to stay at home and look after their babies. growing up my mother was a stay at home mum and i knew that was the way i wanted to bring my children up. but it's definately not realistic..unless i intend on marrying a man who can support us, or i can run a successful business from home (not likely, i get so distracted and i can imagine how hard it would be)then it really isn't fair to come out with 'stay at home with your baby!' not fair at all. you adore your little olive, and that is evident in every post. do not be swayed by these comments, it is your life and she is so lucky to have a mother who loves her that much. i still want to be able to stay at home some days and bake cupcakes, put a wash on and snuggle little ones alllll day....but never feel like it makes you less of a mother because you can't do that as often. treasure the moments you do spend with her, because they're the ones she'll remember. good luck, i think you're great. xx (ps. i'm a 28yr old single woman without kids, but i totally get you.) :)

one claire day said...

Kellie, he/she's a fucking moron. I'm sorry. Apparently, it takes even more than a village to raise a child.

Life can be hard and you are doing an amazing job with that beautiful daughter of yours.

Do what works for you and you family and don't waste one bit of energy on opinions like these from people who don't even know you.

God my fingers hurt from bashing the keyboard.

Sending love,
claire xx

The Beetle Shack said...

im with claire.

i went back to work part time when my 1st born was 10 months... did we need the money? nope, it helped but we were fine with out it. I went back to work because i bloody loved my job. It made me feel human and intelligent and valuable. I could wear make up and high heels. I went back because i wanted to. Bad mother, umm no. bloody excellent mother, teacher and wife? yes.

Anonymous- ram it.

Kellie, you are excellent. Dont forget it.

xo em

zigsma said...

What a silly cow! You're obviously a wonderful mother. Don't give it another thought.

Jgee said...

Here, here I agree with the other Mama's comment. You are doing one fine job rocking it as Olive's awesome Mum, a worker, a wife, a daughter..... don't you question your choices because of one naive, anonymous, judgemental wuss. Horses for courses, whatever floats your boat, I say. It looks to me like you are doing a wonderful job, all round. xxxx

Jane said...

Kel, I know you are an excellent mother, because Olive is so happy and so loved. I got a comment from a woman on the street saying mothers should work so that their children can look up to them which is the total other side of the coin. Of course no one should tell anyone how to raise their children or live their life. I'm sorry the internet has been mean to you, particularly when you are already feeling vulnerable. But it has also been so lovely with all the lovely women who comment on your blog with their names attached.
xx

Jane said...

Which is because your blog is so funny, so warm and so heartfelt (I meant to say)

Picklebug Designs said...

That's awful!
I don't think we can judge all mothers on whether they stay at home full time with their kids or go to work. I think there would be some fairly terrible mothers who are home full time. Think about all the bogans!
Working or not working does not define a mother. It's the time spent with the children that counts.
I still feel torn between all aspects of my life, am I doing enough as a mother/wife/business owner?
No one has the right to make you feel bad about your choices! Especially not some random thinking they can put in their 2 cents worth and not own up to it! I'll bet they don't even have any children. Old bitter spinster is my guess.
And by the way Anonymous, there is a lot of nannies here in Australia you fool! They aren't a mythical being belonging only to the movies!
Sorry for the novel, but that type of person really gets on my goat.

Kellie rocks! xx

captain kk said...

holy shit! i can't believe someone wrote that! listen up & listen up good.. only you know what is the right choice & balance. please don't let someone bully you & terrorise your emotions. stuff them and their opinion! the same thing doesn't work for every person. personally, i roll my eyes at that old fashioned view. someone said to me just the other day that kids of stay at home mums watch way more television, so take that opinionated bully! i can't wait to return to work part time next week! i'm a great mummy, but seriously, i'm shit at being a full time stay at home mummy. by day 3 i feel like i've used up all my tricks & they must be getting bored with me! x captn.

Lizeylou said...

People are amazing aren't they.
I wonder what it was that made that person think that they know whats best for you??
I know I don't know you but I have read your blog for a while now and for what its worth I think youre a fantastic mum.
And stuff the person who wasn't even game enough to even own their opinion - I think you're ace!

Briar {Sunday Collector} said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sarah said...

I have the benefit of knowing you personally Kellie, and I would like to tell 'Annonymous' (who clearly knows nothing about you) that you are an absolute star of a mother. Being a new mum myself I can honestly say that I aspire to be as much like you as a mum as possible. Truly. You are figuring out a balance that works for you and your family and that takes courage, thought, and a big injection of love. Olive is so lucky to have you.

Anonymous said...

hello,
first of all i am sorry for my bad English.
I am a new mother my son is 10 months old and i am back to work after 9 months. It was hard but i belive it have nothing to do. I now some not so good mothers who stay at home.Before my baby someone told me that if i keep working i should not have a baby. it was a shock for me. I read your block for inspiration and because you are a very good mother.
Katerina
Greece

Anika said...

Oh, seriously?? Well, as the person who has probably spent the most time with Olive (apart from her parents), I can honestly say that she is one of the happiest and most well-adjusted kids I know! And as someone who has also seen the effects of bad separation anxiety in my own child, you KNOW when they aren't coping with being apart from you, and Olive is coping just fine!

Kel, you are a wonderful mother and role model for Olive. I think it is really important for our daughters to grow up seeing their mothers following their dreams. Being a parent is wonderful, sure - probably the most wonderful thing I will get a chance to do - but there is a whole, wide, wonderful world out there beyond the walls of our houses, and our daughters should grow up thinking this, too: that they can conquer the world, be amazing, have it all.

I am so sorry someone made you feel bad and made you doubt your choices. Sometimes I think we can't ever win as mothers. I highly doubt someone would make a comment on the blog of a working MAN telling him he should quit his job and stay at home with his child! Why, in this day and age, is this still seen as something acceptable to say to a woman??

Anonymous said...

never let stupid idiotic morons upset you!! xxKristen

Anonymous said...

p.s .. everyone else has been so eloquent and thoughtful.. i like to stand out :) xx Kristen

ashlee said...

Hi there,

I only just started reading your blog recently. From reading your letters I feel as though the world is a better place with you in it as mumma to little Olive. The love you have for that gorgeous bundle is evident in all you do - so don't change, but hold your head up high, breathe deeply, & continue to love & laugh with that Olive of yours.

No point in even giving that comment one more thought. Nor do I think others should be nasty back to the person who wrote it. It's a waste of energy. Lets just rejoice & focus on you being the brilliant mumma you are.

Stay happy & enjoy your precious one.

Love

xx

Mumma to Lola (8 months old)

Francesca said...

kellie, bless you, this just makes me well up. so sorry you had to have that kind of crap sent to you on your own beautiful blog in such a vindictive way. i cannot understand people like that, who just want to cause hurt, especially after your last post when you said you were struggling with it. try to remember that is ONE miserable person in a supportive, loving community of thousands, most of whom are in the same boat, with the same decisions to make. we get you. chin up old gal. xxx

tea with lucy said...

don't let those anonymous trolls get to you. they're just shit stirring and they're not worth it. easier said than done though, hey?

we all know you are an terrific mum.

hugs.

xo

This Simple Life is Rich said...

Oh. My. Goodness. I am so sorry that some "person" clearly overstepped bounds by posting such a rude comment. Doesn't every good Mother struggle with that very same issue? Who is that person? They couldn't possibly be a parent. If they were, they would have never suggested such a thing. As if it were just that easy to quit a job and stay home. Sheesh!!! I have learned "damned if you do; damned if you don't" seriously, everyone has their opinion but is it justified to share it every time? Nope.
Olive is such a fortunate little one who will grow up to be such a neat person--because of YOU and all you do. You will continue to be a wonderful Mum as a working Mum--just the way you have been thus far.
Don't let those nasty little comments bring you down. You are waaaay above it!

You are on the right path!

xoxo

Paula

dear olive said...

Wowsers, everyone. Way to make a lady feel good! Thanks for all your beautiful and supportive words. Kellie xx

Mama Mogantosh said...

Worst thing about the interwebs. Power to bitchy know-it-alls. Why is she reading you??? You obviously have nothing in common with her. GO AWAY TROLL! LEAVE OUR KELLIE ALONE! For what it's worth, I agree that you're doing an amazing job. I think of the absolute trickiest things for women to do after kids is to manage work as well. It's like having three full-time jobs all requiring energy and commitment. It's a shock really. You're managing it incredibly well from what I can see. x

Rinny said...

Oh Kelly I just saw these posts!

You can tell by the "anonymous" that the person who said those things to you doesn't know you or Olive or a bit about your lives.

I've only seen you online but you look like such a wonderful mama and Olive such a chirpy little girl.

It sucks that people who don't know us have the ability to make us feel so much like dirt but all these comments are testament to the fact that you girl are a damn fine mama!

<3 xxx

fast times in m√ľnchen. said...

Oh Kellie. How did I miss this post?? I thought I'd come across enough morons in my life. And then I had children. Guess what? It just so happens there is fuckload more out there! I agree with all the above lovely people and their equally lovely comments. Does this person even read your blog? It's a testamant to what a brillant mother you are and how much you love that gorgeous girl of yours. Um, it's called 'Dear Olive' for a reason! Letter written for Olive, about Olive. We can all see how she is the centre of your universe.
Enjoy your time working Kellie. Doing something different. Something you love. A different kind of challenge. It'll make you a better mum and woman in the long (and short!) run. xxx

small catalogue said...

Bless. What an absolute turd. Agree with the rest. You are a delightful mother doing an absolutely amazing job.

La Franglaise said...

Kellie, I'm just reading this now and actually can't believe someone wrote such nasty words. How dare they judge you? How dare they think they might have a say as to how you raise your little girl? If she were a regular reader, she would see that Olive is the happiest of little girls and that she has a bloody terrific mother. Don't let these type of people - coward, anonymous people - upset you and bully you. You are a great mum and all of us as mothers do the best we can with what we have. How awful that some mums might feel they are doing such a better job than others? I thought we were all in the same boat and gave each other support. This person should not bother being a part of this wonderful blog community if it's to criticize and judge. Shameful.

Lexi:: PottyMouthMama said...

Ahhh Anonymous. Lover of stomping on everyone's lives, friend to nasty comments. That's why I switched off anonymous comments, I hated the nasty. I put up with it for a little while, and then I thought, well you only know an edited part of me, so why should you effect the whole part of me? And BOOM! Away went the ability for anonymous to rain on my parade. x

Anonymous said...

Hey Kel, Loving your blog. I went back to work when Maddison was 3 months old. Not because I had to but to help out a frined. I work 4 hours a day one day a week and then by the time she was 6-7 months old I was doing 3 days per week. I always felt guilty, but thats what mothering is about. I feel guilt every day, for things I cant give them. But they never go with out warm clothes, good wholesome food in their belly and loads and loads of love, they are told a thoudsand times a day that they are loved. My frist child never went to day care and she is so shy. My second went and is the most out going child and talks to everyone and can hold her own. Never Never Never let people make you second guess yourself. You are a wonderdul perosn and I can clearly see a wonderful mother and wife to be. Sharnee xxxx

 

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