Shadows

Friday, July 27, 2012

Dear Olive,
We lost our nanny yesterday. Well, not lost as in I don't know where she is, because I do; she's in her flat in Vaucluse. But lost as in she's not going to be looking after you anymore. It's been coming for a while, she's been less and less available, and this week finally told us she's following another path to different job, which I totally understand and she goes with my best wishes for every success in her new life. What has come as a surprise, though, is that it's left me feeling extremely emotional. Maybe I'm just tired. Or maybe I'm upset because someone you love, and who loves you, has pretty much left your life. Or maybe it's bigger than that. Everything just seems to be changing so fast around me, I can barely keep up. You're starting preschool next week - next week! - and I feel positively ill with nervousness. Just an offhand mention of it to my neighbour earlier had me in tears. I don't really know why, but I think it's something to do with feeling like I'm sending you out into the world on your own. You, my child, out there fending for your self. Of course, you - incredible, resilient you, are (so far) completely taken with the idea of starting preschool. Just don't forget to hold your old Mums hand on the way in, will you. I may very well need the support.

PS I'm not really feeling as dark as these photos may suggest. I just loved the shadow on the wall of you playing with Pepper in the morning light. That is all.

11 comments:

Lizeylou said...

Ahhh the preschool tears - I remember mine so well. Mascara running literally running down my cheeks while my little man was all laughs and jumps.
Miss Olive will have a wonderful time and I have no doubt she will hold your hand x

raisedbywolffs said...

Wow preschool! It's a big adjustment but Olive will love it I'm sure.
It's such a shame you're losing your nanny it's a bond that is really sad to lose.

Lila

Greer said...

I remember those very feelings when Lola started day care, but that first quiet latte in a cafe ALONE certainly eased things, and you do get used to it. I can't wait for February when P and S will start preschool. I dare say I'll be skipping out the gates that day. Don't be too sad x

Francesca said...

am now crying!
i'm finding the boys growing so fast really really hard at the moment. i try not to think about it it coz it makes me cry all the time! don't know what's come over me. x

Emma said...

oh this brought some tears to my eyes as well. I nannied for a few years whilst at university and still think about the little girl I looked after, well she did her HSC last year so not so little anymore! It is super exciting that Olive is off to pre-school though. x

Lerosso said...

This is going to be a great time for you both, you'll see :)

Katrina (capturing moments) said...

I love these photos. How precious. She will have a ball at pre school, new people, new toys, new experiences. Yes, it is often us that need the support...and tissues to wipe the tears. x

::The Beetle Shack:: said...

Ohhh Kell, that is SO hard to be losing your nanny. It's strange that such an intimate relationship can be ended so abruptly.

Pre school will be so great for her. I'm still amazed by how much Zeph moves deeper into his imagination each and every week since starting (but lets not pretend it's not a tricky and emotional journey).

much love, Kell

xo em

Sarah said...

Reading your post brought on a few tears for lots of different reasons. Your nanny will always have a special place for Olive in her heart. And no matter how big Olive grows she will always have more room than you can imagine to love you. It might just feel like you're in the sidelines for a while, with all this other big stuff going on in her life. All the best on your first day of preschool Olive! Big sweet girl xx

alex sunday said...

well look what you've done - everyone's crying! you've put a lump in my throat at the thought of coco heading off to pre-school, and that's years away!! yep, i can see i'll be a mess when the time comes. so scary! (for the parents). i'm sure you (and olive) will adapt well, and you'll be proud of all she learns, and the little girl she becomes.

Iliska Dreams said...

Beautiful photos



http://iliska-dreams.blogspot.com.au/


 

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