six point five

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Dear Olive,
Clancy has been with us for six a half months, and that beautiful bond you had with him at birth is steadfast. He is so close to crawling and I can see how that will introduce a whole new level of angst for you, and test your love in new ways. But for now, your lego remains safe - and so does Clancy. (On that note, he has been up on his hands and knees rocking and yelling for the past three weeks - he is as frustrated as hell, as am I.) 
As much as my heart aches for his newborn self (oh, the ache!), I'm loving this age. He is the happiest, jolliest little darling, and we couldn't possibly love him any more. His growing awareness of his body and movement, means we can share in the most gorgeous cuddles and play. And it's so beautiful to be able to see how much pleasure he gets out of our touch. Especially mine. Any old stranger can make this happy boy smile and laugh, but it is undoubtedly the Mum and Clancy show. No one has ever been more thrilled to see me walk back into a room. Ever. I remember feeling this way with you, also: it wasn't so long ago that he was a part of me, and that sense of connection remains amazingly strong for both of us. It is beautiful, and wonderful, and exhausting; I wouldn't want it any other way.
I loved every phase of you as a baby, watching you grow and learn was a gift, and I'm looking forward to enjoying Clancy do this, too ... only, I feel far less eager for him to change so quickly this time around. I know from experience just how fleeting this time truly is.
Please could he stay this way, just for a little while longer?

PS I had a bit of chuckle at this article, my Mum was well known for a bit of a fly off the handle (all for good causes, of course!), and particularly loved this description of motherhood "Motherhood seems complex, but it's simple, really. It's just beautiful, gratifying, unceasing effort."

Exactly two years ago, I was in an Oaxacan market in Mexico and quietly bought this little romper for the baby I hoped to have. And now, here he is wearing it.


Anonymous said...

Isn't he just spectacular, I'm so glad Clancy joined your lovely family.

fast times in m√ľnchen. said...

Kel it's so true. First time around you can't wait for them to get to the next exciting stage. Second time around, knowing how quickly it all goes, you just want them to slow the hell down!

The article was perfectly timed for me as I'm knee deep in mother guilt at the moment. Tired and stressed and SNAPPY. It seems every night when I put Oli to bed I'm apologising for my cranky behaviour that day. Argh! xx

ps. Go Clancy Cash, GO!

Iliska Dreams said...

Swoon, he makes me clucky.

Alex Sunday said...

whoa, that article made me cry a lot! and i feel better for it. i've just finished 3 months of solo-parenting my 2 girls under 4 (and am 6 months pregnant) and am certainly familiar with the feelings of stress and guilt.
i absolutely LOVE that you bought the romper in anticipation. that's so sweet. :)


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