on breastfeeding

Friday, April 24, 2015

Dear Olive,
We had a great afternoon at the pub a few weeks ago - one of those impromptu times where we met a friend for a swim, got a phone call from another, and the next thing we knew, we were at the pub cheersing beer with a bunch of mates. Of course, all too quickly it got to a certain time of the evening, and I headed home to put to bed two tired kids on my own. Later, after the house was quiet, I sat on the lounge and couldn't help but feel the deep unfairness of it all. Shane was out, kicking up his heels and having interesting and fun adult conversations, while I was home alone, sober, at the ready to breastfeed Clancy at a moments whimper. 
But then I realised that if Clancy breastfeeds for as long as you did, then we're almost halfway there already - and wow, has that almost first half gone by in the blink of an eye. All of a sudden, instead of resentment, I felt an overwhelming sadness about it all ending. Almost inexplicably, I began to will my little boy to wake up so I could feed him. Such is the irony of this life, I suppose. I can feel tired of something I wouldn't change for the world.
I need to remember; this time is my sacrifice, and this time is my privilege. It's beautiful, it's extraordinary, it's exhausting. And it has an end. It's all going to be over in a damn flash.
PS The best article I've read on motherhood in a long time.
PPS The extended info on the photos below tells me CC was just a week old when they were taken. (And he's wearing my all time favourite woollen pants from Paul and Paula, Typically Red pixie hat, a cardi hand knitted by my friends Mum, and Marimekko socks.)


Nell said...

It's so funny to read this now, Kellie, as I was writing my breastfeeding post last night. I'm weaning Coralie now and I'm feeling a whole bunch of emotions about it. I love what you say about this time being our sacrifice and our privilege. It really is, what beautiful words. And I adore these pictures. Look how tiny he is! I got my sister to take some photos of me feeding Coralie last week as I have so few from over the last year. They are precious. Much live to you mama xxxx

Ps. Off to read that article! Xx

Lori said...

This comes at a good time for me. I'm nursing an 8 month old and my 2.5 yr old still nurses for a quick sec at bedtime. Sometimes I just want to have a not-perfectly-timed drink. But you're right, it is such a privilege, and so fleeting

Brandi said...

I know exactly what you are saying! With my other children I often felt that I was missing out when I had to head off to nurse. Now with my youngest little surprise, I look forward to the 'excuse' to squirrel away and have time with the baby myself because I know it will be over all to quickly!

CASPER said...

I'm glad you're still doing the blog, I really enjoy reading your words! And yes I totally agree about the breastfeeding. Life really is fleeting. xxx
Cassandra (in France)


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