Beginning of the End

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Dear Olive,

Yesterday you refused my breast. For the entire day. I have a sickening feeling this is it for you. I had planned to feed you well into toddlerhood and I am shattered. Absolutely shattered. I can't even type this without crying. The breastfeeding association counsellor seemed to think your biting was related to you wanting to self-wean. And I think now that I've started you on the bottle you're not going to turn back. I could be wrong. I really hope I am wrong. But I'm not holding out much hope. This has hit me really hard, I'm grieving for the loss of breastfeeding you and I can't help but feel that I've failed. I knew I loved it and believed in it, I just didn't realise quite how much until it was gone. I'd even welcome back with open arms the biting and the all night feeding sessions.  

Oddly enough, I got your Dadda to take a photo of me feeding you on Sunday. I didn't know then that this was going to be one of the last feeds.


Maxabella said...

Please. Stop.

Breastfeeding is a two way street. If Olive wants to finish, let her. You've done a great job. Where is the failure? x

Anika said...

Oh Kel, I'm so sorry. How devastating for you both! Roxy stopped feeding for 6 days once - due to pain from a tooth coming through - and I too rang the ABA in tears. The person I spoke to said that children often DO start feeding again. With Roxy, I found it would upset her if I offered the breast, so I just made them available as much as possible (yes, I spent most of the week topless!) and had a lot of baths with her. One day, out of the blue, she just decided to feed again. It was patchy for a week or two - low supply I guess - and then it was fine. And that is ancient history now, still going strong at 33 months. So don't give up hope!

If you are really REALLY serious about not wanting to wean though, I wouldn't give her bottles, as it's too easy for them to get the milk. Could she drink her milk in a sippy cup, maybe?

Good luck! I really hope it turns around for you and she starts feeding again soon. And if she doesn't, you've done a FANTASTIC job and had a really good innings - Olive's had way more than most kids in Australia get - and you should feel really proud of that.

And hey, at least you'd be able to get drunk at christmas time!!

Love you. xoxoxoxo


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