mental health days

Dear Olive,
We had one of *those mornings* this morning. It all started when you couldn't decide what to wear for mufti day. Against my and Shane's advice, you decided upon your Elsa dress*. But you were in hysterics when you realised it was torn. So you changed into regular clothes and eventually calmed down when I suggested we pin the Elsa badge from the Elsa dress onto your school bag. You know, so you could still feel a little Elsa-ery, even in your non-Elsa-ery clothes. The badge broke as I was pinning it on. THE DAMN BADGE BROKE. So there was more crying. Then, out of nowhere, your ear started hurting. So there was even more crying. We got out the door, you holding my hand, crying. I was already beginning to doubt my resolve - did I really want to drag you to school kicking and screaming. But I started to get a sinking feeling creeping in when I saw a few other kids walking to school; they were all dressed in their school uniforms. It seems I'd made the rookie mistake in following my memory, and not the school newsletter. Mufti day wasn't for another week. You then started crying about being out of uniform. It was at this point that I gave up on you going to school altogether and we walked back home. The crying stopped (and, coincidentally, so did the hurting ear).

And, of course; all this on the one day Shane started work late and was excited to walk with you to school.

I'm acutely aware that having to comply with the rules and regimen and listening and following of school is a profound change for you. (For any kid starting school.) And I know the way you recharge yourself is through creative play. Creative play where the only rules are your own. I'm more than happy to give you time off, to do just that, whenever I think you really need it. So we're now on our second mental health day in as many weeks. There was a bit of a discussion on my instagram last week on mental health days for kids. And I'm interested to know - do you give them to your kids? And are they allowed one per term? Or taken on an as-required basis? 

(And doesn't all this just beg the question ... where are my mental health days?)

*shakes fist at Aunty Bry! I HATE THE ELSA DRESS.

endings and beginnings

Dear Olive,
There were tears all round when we dropped you off at school for the first time. It took me completely by surprise, and I felt forlorn and worried for the rest of the day. But, of course, you were all smiles when I picked you up - you were even awarded a sticker for great behaviour, and are (apparently) looking forward to going back tomorrow. Wait, tomorrow? It was such a big build up to today, it half feels like it's 'over' and not at all that we have to get back up and do it again tomorrow ... and then the day after that, and the day after that ... I think I'll need some time to adjust - and most likely you will, too. Because while today marks an exciting new and momentous beginning, it feels like something important has also ended. 
Education is a gift, and I'm so excited to see what you do with yours.

parenting

Dear Olive,
I've felt a little overcome lately with how illequipped I feel for proper, grown up parenting problems. When you have a baby, yes it's all consuming, and relentless, and bloody exhausting, and you tear your hair out (well, that which hasn't already fallen out post birth), desperately trying a million different techniques to get them to sleep ... but, really, it's pretty simplistic; if you feed the baby, love the baby, and keep the baby close, the baby will most likely thrive. When I had you, I didn't really give a great deal of thought to how to parent you beyond being a baby - certainly not much to how we'd successfully navigate through periods of problem behaviour. Which, admittedly, was rather short sighted of me.
Just four years on from the baby phase, things are feeling quite a bit more complicated. Here we are, trying to help a sensitive little person navigate the complexities of being four, without really knowing what it is we should be doing. And suddenly, what it is we should be doing, feels so very profound. There have been times lately when I feel terrified, because if I get it wrong, I actually have the potential to fuck up someone's life! (And if it feels this serious at four, goodness help us at fourteen.)
Faced with some pretty intense emotional and behavioural challenges from you in the past month, Shane and I have come up with a bit of a plan. We've formed a united and consistent front to set some boundaries for you. We're (somehow! and unbelievably!) remaining calm and firm in the face of your sometimes ridiculously outrageous overreactions. We're trying to make sure you feel understood, and listened to. We're talking a lot, and ultimately trying to arm you with alternative behaviour options for dealing with situations you find stressful, so you can learn to self-regulate. And, in just a couple of weeks, it's made a very noticeable difference to your behaviour. We're having a meeting with your preschool teacher next week, and we're reading a couple of parenting books. 
I think we're going to make it.

- Tearing blindly through a maze ... feels rather like parenting sometimes!
- After many recommendations for both, I finally ordered these books. I'm only half-way into raising your spirited child, but so much is resonating!
(Interesting extra reading on cultivating emotional intelligence - part one, part two, part three.)

Being a Wholefood Mama

Dear Olive,
Anyone who reads this blog would know that natural health and nutrition are particular passions of mine. After being a Mum, it's probably the thing that defines me the most as a person. So you can imagine how honoured I felt to be asked to take part in Nikki's Wholefood Mama Series. You can read my interview here, where I talk about my philosophy on food and how we eat it, and that moment in time when my parents started giving us sugar free carob instead of chocolate (worst Easter ever!). Although isn't it funny how life comes in circles ... sugar free carob is now something I give to you as a treat. I really believe that even though there'll be times when you you deviate from the path, you'll always come back to the way you were raised. Which is why it's been so important to me to start you on the healthy eating way of life from birth, I'm hoping to make it second nature for you. My Mum taught me to never stop learning about natural health and nutrition, and I hope that's something you'll learn from me, too.
Thanks for letting me take part, Nikki.

Television

Dear Olive,
On my first day of high school, the same thing occurred in a few of my classes. As the teacher went through the names calling the role, they stopped at mine and looked up at me. Ah, Kellie, yes. I think I met your Mum last night at the P&C meeting. She was a formidable force when it came to standing up for what she believed in, apparently. (Can you imagine how popular I was in the playground as a Year 7, when it got out it was MY Mum petitioning to remove junk food from the canteen?)

A few weeks back, I went to my first parent-teacher night at your little kindy. There, I don't have to fight the good fight. There, it's the principal trying to ban something; tv watching in her students. It generated quite a heated discussion amongst the parents on the night, and it's something I've thought a lot about since. What is the place in our lives for tv, ipads, computer games? And what is the impact of their use on you? Basically, your teachers belief is that watching tv restricts the imagination of the kid. Full stop. And she is vehemently opposed to any toys and paraphernalia associated with commercial tv shows.

It's certainly given us something to think about, in terms of your screen use. We didn't introduce tv until after you were two, and it's not an everyday thing (right now you're in a phase where you barely watch any), but it probably averages out to a couple of hours of screen time every week, including a few apps and games you like to play on the iphone. An amount which I suppose I've seen as fairly inconsequential, in the whole scheme of your full, active, imaginative life.

On the flip side, tvs and computers and iphones play a pretty large part in my own life. Most nights, Shane and I sit on the lounge and watch the news, 7:30 Report, and whatever comes on after that on the ABC until we go to bed. (Sadly, it appears I'm turning into my parents.) And we both zone out on the computer and iphone for large chunks of our day, too. When I was a kid, we had fairly restricted access to tv. We weren't really allowed to watch it during the week, but we could tape shows to watch on the weekend. (I used to tell my parents I was going to study in our old caravan ... and then secretly watch neighbours and home and away on the old black and white tele in there.) While we had a computer, there was only one, and it had to be shared between all five of us. (Admittedly, we were all addicted to tetris.) 

Your teacher has asked everyone at kindy to pledge a screen free week. And she wants us parents to get involved, so we can make it a movement to go beyond the week. A movement for change, to return to a natural childhood. She certainly puts forward a pretty convincing argument for it.

How do tv and screens fit into your family life? Want to join us for a screen free week, too?

Photos: You came up with the list of things we can do instead of playing with screens. Some recent drawings - a family portrait with all your cousins on the brown paper bag, and jellyfish upon jellyfish upon jellyfish. And your name! (Well, most of it.) It pops up everywhere these days.