waiting, waiting

Dear Olive,
Tomorrow, I'll be 39 weeks pregnant; the house is spotless, curtains have been sewn, pictures have been hung. Baby clothes are washed and folded, there are unopened packets of newborn nappies in the garage, and a few cooked meals in the freezer. We even finished watching the final series of breaking bad last night.  I've nested about as much as I want to, and now, along with being immensely tired, the waiting has begun. I pretty much feel like just staying in until this baby comes out - which is altogether impossible with you around, needing so much more out of each day than I do. Rather ironically, just as I am hitting my least energetic phase, your energy levels are all of a sudden boundless, and there is no way of wearing you out anymore. Even more than your intense level of physical energy, it's the mental energy that wears me down the most. It's a constant barrage of ideas/questions/negotiations/creating/songs/stream of consciousness type conversations firing out at me all day long.  Even when you're playing alone, it's conducted out loud. As tiring as it all is, we're figuring it out. And I actually feel quite content in the waiting.* Perhaps I'm not yet ready for this baby. In any case, I surrender to my body to know when it's time.
PS I was at the birth centre having an appointment this morning when an amazing Mum was wheeled in on an ambulance stretcher; she was beaming, and holding her brand new, born at home in an hour baby. (After having a cesarean for her first baby.) What a woman!
*So far. I am well aware this may change extremely quickly after 40 weeks!

preparing for birth

Dear Olive,
Tomorrow, I'll be 37 weeks pregnant. (And I've got my bloat on to prove it.) I'm feeling a little hurried to begin preparing my mind and body for my labour - but here we go! When I was preparing for your birth, there was one main thought that kept coming back to me ... I may not be able to control what will happen, but I can control how I handle it. And throughout it all (which, briefly, was a 17 hour, non-progressing, transfer out of the birth centre into the delivery ward to be augmented on cyntocin kind of labour which ended in a normal vaginal delivery), I managed to stay - more or less - calm and happy. I'm not sure how accurate this is, but my midwife told me she'd never seen a woman making jokes at full dilation before. The whole process of giving birth to you was just so extraordinary - an experience I still feel grateful for. And that is the attitude I hope to take into the birth room with me again this time: calmness and positivity. (And whenever they seem to be flailing, that's when I expect Shane to step in. You reading this, Shane?) 
Although I must admit, while I'm looking forward to this labour, there are some doubts creeping in (what if I can't handle it, what if I end up needing a cesarean, etc). So I'm turning to some trusted resources to help ensure I don't take them on board.
- Janet Balaskas Active Birth was hands down the most useful thing I read leading up to my labour with you. I borrowed a copy from the library a couple of weeks ago, and I'm finding it equally as inspiring this time round. (It's worth it for the awesome photos of women giving birth in the 80's alone.) "The whole process of conceiving a baby, being pregnant, giving birth and mothering is part of the sexual and spiritual life of a woman, and is basically rooted in the natural and undisturbed unfolding of a series of psychological events."
- Who can go past natural birth legend midwife Ina May Gaskin. She's got a tonne of great books, and you can watch her TED talk here.
- I'm trying to incorporate a little meditation and breathing practice into my daily life. (And actually, this is more like every other day kind of daily practice.) I did a calm birth course when I was pregnant with you, and I realised very early on in my labour how much it helped me to just focus on my breath through each contraction.
- On top of that, basically I'm hoping my body still holds the memory for what it did four and a half years ago!
As an aside, you've had this assumption that you'd be there, and I must say, at the beginning of my pregnancy, it felt like the most natural and obvious path; to include you in the birth. My brother and I were at my sisters birth and it was a terribly exciting and memorable occasion - but it was at home, and I suppose being at home, we didn't need any looking after, we just came and went as we pleased from the room. (It was also a very short and straightforward labour.) And as my labour looms, I've started doubting that having you there is the best plan. (Has anyone had any experience with having their older children at the birth? Especially those labouring in a hospital or birth centre setting?) I guess I had better hurry up and get my alternative plans in place! And just to bring relief to my friend Clare (thank you for the text), I'm off to pack my hospital bag.

32 weeks

Dear Olive,
Pregnancy is a funny thing; I'd forgotten just how taxing it is. What with the shortness of breath, wild emotions, not being able to bend over, those middle of the night leg cramps bringing me frantically out of sleep, varicose veins, achy swelling legs, uncomfortable growing pains, feeling like I'm going to explode after every meal, and just the sheer general exhaustion of it all - it can be downright bloody hard! And aside from all the physical discomfort, there's the having to come to terms with my body changing so much, in a way that's seemingly out of my control. But somehow, in spite of it all, this pregnancy has really grown on me. And I've been feeling really lovely in it - healthy and strong, nutritionally sound, and, apart from my much whinged about achy swelly varicose-y leg problem (and the fact that I seem to be growing a snowy beard on the side of my face!), it all feels really rather great. And it's wonderful to be able to find the magic in it all; it is a truly special and amazing time. (And I suppose this time around, I'm even more aware of the enormity of love just around the corner!)
Finishing up full time work has been a terrific thing for my energy levels - it's absolute bliss having the time (and energy) to take a walk and a swim in the morning, and my slower days typically include an afternoon involving plenty of lying down! (Although I suppose a lot of this will change a bit once Shane starts his new full time job in a week.) I'm still working casual days, but it's just a couple per week and after the relentlessness of full time work last year it kind of feels like I've hit that perfect (and elusive) work balance jackpot. And you and I have been getting to spend lots of time just the two of us, which I'm remembering to soak up, seeing as soon it'll be the three of us.
Even being pregnant in summer hasn't been as bad as what I was fearing - I'm appreciating living near the beach, it's definitely the coolest spot in Sydney and it's amazing being able to get in the water so often. And actually, that searing middle of the day summer heat provides me with the perfect excuse to retreat to the cool of the indoors, and be generally rather lazy.
All in all, at 32 weeks pregnant, I'm feeling very blessed.

(Pregnancy reading: Dr Mercola's guide to a naturally healthy pregnancy - much of this is common sense, but there are lots of great links at the end of the article.)

legs up

Dear Olive,
Legs up the wall in the lounge room, legs up the wall in the sunroom, legs up the wall in the bedroom (lovely ornate ceilings there!), legs up the wall in Thirroul. 
I'm suffering from - horrors of horrors! - varicose veins; so very unsightly and actually rather painful (especially after a particularly long day of standing up at work when some basically exploded!). I'm finding a little exercise followed by some lying on the floor with my legs up the wall gives me a bit of relief. On especially hot days, I stand in a bucket of cold water for a while before I put my legs up.
Sadly, compression socks are the next stop.
Would love to hear any wonderful tips or suggestions to help?

Growing a baby: diet & supplements

Dear Olive,
Judging by how absolutely goddamn knackered beyond belief I am each night, growing a baby is crazy hard work for a body. I'm trying to keep to a healthy and varied diet* (after not eating many grains for so long, it was interesting to see how many carbs I was craving in that first trimester?!), and along with the addition of some daily supplements, I'm (hopefully) helping my body to (hopefully) grow a healthy and bright baby. I'm finding it rather hard work fitting all these in each day - especially seeing as there's usually already a meal in there!
I'd love to know what supplements/dietary additions other people think are important for pregnancy? I'm yet to start taking cod liver oil, but I think I will towards the end of my pregnancy, and certainly will while I'm breastfeeding.
(*I'm hardly doing this to the T, but it's interesting reading: diet for pregnant women.) 

PS This post was not sponsored by BioCeuticals!